Today is Sunday 26th October, so it’s been almost 2 months since I started this blog and 1 month since my last post.
So where's it gone?
That means I've been here over five weeks now! It really doesn't feel like that, it feels like just two weeks still. So much has happened in that time. Three weekends ago I dashed home to live in a slum with the youth group at my home church, but people pulled out and the weather wasn't so good anyway. Instead I met up with Dave and Jen and played scrabble (Dave really didn't enjoy it) I almost won, but Jenny stole the points at the end putting her into poll position! Mum and Dad left home that weekend to vacate to Northern Italy. Apparently they sent me a postcard to uni, but I still wait fervently everyday for that card!
One thing I did that week was to go out on my new bike with the PUBC (bike club) I was so psyched up- I had my new mongoose, full suspension downhill pro bike. I walked it over to the group as to stay modest and found them with h-e-ouge bikes with triple barrelled front suspension. They were all wearing full face helmets and proper shin pads and clothing that had the remains of some good mud flying riding. I knew this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought. My absolute zeal was diminished within the first few seconds of standing with the other bikers waiting for more people to arrive. We set off and straight away they took on a flight of brick steps- luckily I was able to cycle round a different way and go down a slightly smaller flight of steps.
It was awesome though. Indeed I was slower than the other guys going down the trails, hitting the jumps and sliding round the corners, but I still enjoyed it. Hopefully I will learn more about my bike and how to ride it properly downhill.
I've been finding it hard in my relationship with Claire- I don't really know why. I'm changing now in different ways, I'm making new friends, surrounding myself with people who aren't the cuddly loving Christian type that I was used to at home.
I'm trying to strike a balance between the Christian and non-Christian friends I have so that I am in, but not of the world- that broken world that Jesus talks about. My prayer is that God will push me out into the wilderness where I will be tried and tested, but where I will find other people and be able to show them the way and the truth to the life, Jesus.
I know that I can and will remain faithful to God when I am in the hardest of situations, I can say that I have done so far.
The one way I am going to remain faithful is if I keep dwelling on and in God's word. But like my love for Claire and like the weeks that I've been here; I ask myself about that passion to know God- where's it gone?
I was really doing well in the first month of writing this blog, praying to God each day. Reading His word and seeking Him in every situation, but that discipline has hidden itself somewhere behind the pile of clothes in my room, somewhere on the dance floor in the clubs, somewhere between the text books on my shelf, somewhere and I've got to get that discipline right back inside me to be a true disciple and follower of Jesus Christ.
I've now got a big hole in my heart- I feel as though I've thrown away one of the best parts of my life and I don't really know what to do about it.
Still on the search for a church where I can settle- I'm gathering a short list, maybe next week I'll go to the one I want to stay at. For now though it's Col 3:16.
